WRITTEN IN MY HEART
13) Putting All Eggs in One Basket & A Miracle of Tears – 2024
I put “all of my heart and half of my soul” into the work I had come to love so much and paid a heavy physical and emotional price for doing this. I believe it was God’s intervention that kept me from becoming a permanent emotional cripple.
In 1974, I was hired as one of the first tour guides at the soon to be opened to the public W. W. Mayo House. This 1859 pioneer home was hand built by Dr. William W. Mayo, who later with his two sons founded the world-renowned Mayo Clinic. In 1977, I became its site manager. I did research, created interpretive programs, hired and trained staff, planned and executed special events. I did everything there was to do to operate and interpret this historic site. I became very attached and devoted. I came to deeply love the historic home and the work I was doing along with enjoying greatly the wonderful exchange with many adults and children who toured the home.
In the early 1980s, I felt I was outgrowing the little Mayo home and desired to expand my role with the state historical society. I was told I could not advance within the society because I did not have a college degree.
Emotionally, I had put all of my eggs in one basket. The sense of rejection experienced was devastating. I began questioning every value I held, especially those having to do with the value of hard work, honesty, openness and fairness. I entered into an awful downward spiral. I remember standing in the Mayo home parlor and having the feeling that I had been punched in my abdomen and part of my insides ripped out leaving behind an empty hole. I remember saying, I have given all of my heart and half of my soul to the Mayo House. I had married myself to the historical society and it was a fairly one-sided commitment.
After feeling such a sense of rejection, in August of 1983, I began to cry. I cried hour after hour, day after day for the next three months. I was in tears more hours of each day than not. I felt arthritis going wild in my body. By 1985, I was walking with a cane.
Interestingly, I had actually started taking college courses through television and was by then taking night courses at a state university.
You do know when it is God who is intervening in your circumstance. I do so believe, He intervened in this circumstance even though I was not yet walking in a right relationship with Him. I was taking a course in business law. A chapter was devoted to job burn out. Discussed in the chapter was the different stages and levels of job burn out. As I read this information, I realized my symptoms were those of level 4 and that I was bumping hard against stage/level 5, which was described as a place of no return, in other words a total breakdown. After reading this, thanks to God for showing me where I was headed, I put a stop to the forward progression and began to fight back and began the struggle to overcome this affliction.
This experience was so draining that I lost all of what is called reserve energy. This is the extra energy people have to cope with situations out of the normal such as being under some form of stress. I developed an explosive temper because of my lack of being able to cope in a normal way. It took years to restore this reserve energy.
It is still hard for me to believe that I completed work on and received a college degree. Beginning in 1982, at age 37, I started back to college. In December of 1985, I graduated with honors from Mankato State University and a Bachelor of Science degree in mass communications with minors completed in American history and business administration.
I was now ready for a new position and role with the state historical society, right? In March of 1986, a site manager’s meeting was held. During the first session an announcement was made concerning the closing of several historic sites and the reduction of programs at other sites. This was in response to a million-dollar cut in funds from the state of Minnesota. The Mayo House was one of the sites to be closed and because of its small size it would not reopen until and unless another organization agreed to take over the operation of the site.
I had not regained that much of my reserve energy so I could not help myself and I started to cry. I cried through the entire day, all night long and throughout the next day of the two-day session. Of course, looking back it seems so foolish. I made a public spectacle of myself, but I excused it knowing what I was still going through and this was just too much to handle. My beloved Mayo Home was going to be closed!
I went through a heavy grieving process. When I got to the stage of acceptance, I could not accept it. So, I went to work and organized a group of five to become the board of directors, wrote the proposal, did what needed to be done to incorporate as a non-profit organization and in April of 1986, the Mayo House Interpretive Society (MHIS) came into legal existence. The state historical society accepted the proposal, the Mayo House reopened in mid-May, and MHIS through a management agreement began operating the site. From 1986 through 2008, I served as the executive director and head history interpreter. It was my baby. The decision to stay and care for the Mayo home and its future cost me the dream of advancing my role and employment with the state historical society.
Along the path of this difficult journey, I took into my heart an attitude; I swore I would never allow anything or anyone to get this close to me ever again. A part of me hardened toward life and the world. Along this journey, I lost my tears. I lost the capability to cry. For years I could not cry.
For an example, when my father died in September of 2000, I had to force tears to come. Can you imagine not being able to freely shed tears when a close loved one dies?
Born Again In Jesus
At about 12:30 a.m. on Tuesday, October 2, 2001, I cried out to God and repented surrendering my self and committing my life to Jesus Christ. My spirit was quickened and the Holy Spirit entered and indwelled me. I cried for the first time in many years. I wept for two and a half hours before falling to sleep. In the morning when I awakened, I felt at peace. I experienced the peace that passeth all understanding. God gave me back my tears. He restored my ability to cry. Thank you Jesus for making this possible!
I did what I swore I would never again do. I gave ALL of my heart and ALL of my soul to someone. That someone is Jesus Christ. Jesus filled the empty hole inside me. He made a proposal of marriage and I received and accepted His proposal. With humility and full confidence, I have again put all of my eggs in one basket and intend to keep them there.
An intimate personal relationship with my very best friend is what I need and will always have in Jesus Christ. God IS love! I am in a two-sided love relationship, the best relationship of all.
Personal Testimony of
Dorothy von Lehe
2024